


Red and White Roses

by KanoKitty



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fights, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, New Years, References to Depression, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27096730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanoKitty/pseuds/KanoKitty
Summary: Johnny lived alone with the occasional friend staying over every now and again. He spent days writing, and evenings sitting on the back deck, looking at the sun set with a coffee.He wasn’t alone, nor was he sad or happy. He was just okay. The life he lived all alone, sitting alone, waking up alone. He had gotten used to it over the months. He was used to writing in peace and quiet. He was now accustomed to being alone.But when he shows up at Johnny’s front door, he doesn’t exactly know what to do.
Relationships: Na Jaemin/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. Pitter Patter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to the first work for NCT I've ever done! Now, I don't take credit for them, they are their own individual people. This is all just a fictional ship. Also, I might not have done the characters well, but don't judge me, I sorta just got into NCT???  
> But Please Enjoy!!

Johnny P.O.V.

It was around midnight. The rain pattered against the windows with slight force. Large rain droplets landed on the leaves of Johnny’s window cell plants. The city lights reflected against the wet splotches on the window of the dining room.

Barely any lights were on in the house. Only the stove top lights, giving Johnny enough light to see what he was writing. He was comfortable, with a half-empty coffee cup sitting beside his notepad.

The entire house was silent, except the sound of the rain drops on the window. The occasional car drive by, rushing through the land-made puddles on the road. It was peaceful.

A knock on his front door distracted him from his writing. He peered at the front door and waited for a second. He waited until there was another knock on the door. He stood up, turning on the light closest to the front door.

He unlocked the burgundy door and opened it. A guy stood in front of him. His head down, drenched from the rain. His pastel pink hair slick to his forehead. He shivered in front of Johnny, cold from the rain. His clothes stuck to his skin. He didn’t lift his head when Johnny opened the door.

“Excuse me?” Johnny stated, curious on this person standing in front of him.

Slowly, their eyes met. The shorter boy was Jaemin. Johnny’s ex-boyfriend.

“I told myself… I wouldn’t come here… But I can’t be alone.” He mumbled, his eyes slightly red as if he were crying. Johnny stared at the younger boy in front of him and took a long deep breath.

He glanced around the area before giving into a heavy sigh. He stepped out of the way.

“You can’t stand there and get a cold. Get inside…” Jaemin was hesitant at first before he went inside the house. He didn’t dare glance to the older.

“Sit down, I’ll be right back.” Johnny stated, before he headed to the bathroom. He went in and looked at himself in the mirror before he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly before he grabbed a few towels from the bathroom cupboard.

When he went back into the living room, Jaemin sat on the edge of the couch, his knees stuck together, and his hands placed gently against his lap. Johnny looked at him before he approached.

“What are you doing here?” He said, handing him the towels. Jaemin took the towels from the older but gave a simple shrug. He put a towel over his head and started to dry his hair.

Johnny nodded before he went to the kitchen to make Jaemin a small hot chocolate.

He was just about the fill the cup with water when he paused. Why was Jaemin here? What drew him here? Was he okay?

The reasons why Johnny loved Jaemin started to flood his mind. He clenched his eyes shut as they started to wash over.

_“Rawr~” Jaemin pretended to claw at Johnny’s arm, as they sat on the couch with a quiet movie playing in the background. The younger got distracted away from the movie, and now was bored out of his mind._

_Johnny gave a small chuckle before he looked at Jaemin._

_“Rawr.” He imitated back. Jaemin’s smile was beautiful. He threw his arms around Johnny’s neck and kissed his cheek._

_“Rawr~” He muttered. Johnny smiled and pulled Jaemin into his lap. He wrapped his arms around his waist and placed his forehead against his. Jaemin closed his eyes and tangled his fingers in Johnny’s hair at the back of his neck. Jaemin hummed softly and nuzzled Johnny’s forehead._

_“I love you.” He mumbled. Johnny opened his eyes and looked at him. A loving smile formed over his lips. He looked at the peaceful face and felt his heart throb lovingly. He placed a hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb against Jaemin’s cheekbone._

_“I love you too.”_

_“what are you writing?” Jaemin asked, wrapping his arms around Johnny’s neck. He rested his head against the top of Johnny’s head. Johnny gave out an over exaggerated sigh._

_“OH, nothing absolutely important that I need to finish by the end of next month.” He said, looking to Jaemin. Jaemin gave a sneaky smile before he pecked his lips._

_He let go of the older and sat beside him, taking his coffee in his hand and taking a small sip. Johnny watched him._

_Jaemin’s eyes were kind, caring and held the world of wonders in them. Johnny smiled and closed his notebook._

_“Lets go for a walk.” Jaemin’s smile faded from his face and tilted his head._

_“But… aren’t you writing?”_

_“Writing can wait, but I want to spend my time with you.” Jaemin smiled, before hiding his blush behind the coffee cup._

_The sun was just perfect. The sky a pinky orange as the sun was just sinking below the horizon. Johnny sat on the beach, next to Jaemin. Their fingers linked together as Jaemin’s head rested against Johnny’s. the soft sound of the waves against the sand beach relaxed the space around them. The occasional seagull squawked, which always made Jaemin smile more._

_Johnny glanced to the younger, kissing the top of his head. Jaemin closed his eyes and smiled._

_“I wish we could stay like this forever..” He mumbled, gripping Johnny’s hand just a little tighter. Johnny hummed and rubbed his thumb against his._

_“I wish… we could be like this and be free together.” Jaemin looked up at the older and gave him a soft smile._

_“I like being this free with you.” He mumbled. Johnny smiled lovingly before kissing the younger._

Johnny opened his eyes before he cleared his throat and poured the hot water into the cup. He headed back to the younger, with a cup of hot chocolate and set it down in front of Jaemin.

The younger was still shaking, only barely visible, but enough for Johnny to see and worry a little more about him.

Jaemin had wrapped the other towel around his shoulders. The silence that sat between them was stiff. The air was thick, while the only sound between them was their soft breathing and the rain outside.

“Can I stay the night? I’ll stay on the couch.” Jaemin muttered, glancing to the older member. Johnny frowned even more than he was before.

“Why? What happened?” Jaemin looked at him before he pulled his gaze back to his lap.

“I’ll talk about it later.” Was all Johnny got in answer.

Johnny looked at him before he closed his eyes. He stood and looked to Jaemin.

“I’ll get to a blanket and pillow, and a change of warm clothes.” He stated, before he started upstairs.


	2. Rain Of Emotion

**Jaemin P.O.V.**

Regret filled Jaemin’s mind when he was left alone in the empty living room of Johnny’s house. He fiddled with the ends of the damp sleeves. He closed his eyes and shifted in spot. The house gave him memories. Some he wanted to remember, some he didn’t.

He spent most of his time in this house with Johnny. So, during a hard time, of course he would return here.

His little apartment wasn’t homey like this. The apartment didn’t leave a mark in his mind that told him that he was safe. This place told him that everything was going to be fine no matter what he was stuck in.

Johnny always made sure that Jaemin was safe. Jaemin owes his life to Johnny, be owes the world to him. Even if he doesn’t trust him anymore. Even if he doesn’t love him anymore.

Jaemin opened his eyes and looked at the drink in front of him. He slowly reached out and placed his cold hands on the warm mug. His hands felt like they were burning, but it was the warmest he’s been in hours.

He picked it up and took a small sip. The warmth of the drink ran through his core, making him shiver. He set the cup back down and placed his hands on his cheeks. Feeling the warmth against his cold cheeks made him feel safer.

He sighed, feeling his body relax just a little more into the warmth of his hands. He sniffled, feeling his face warm up a little more.

The footsteps to the living room pulled him out of his comfort. And again, his gut twisted, and his mind was too emotional to figure out why he was really there.

Johnny placed the pillow at one end of the couch, setting a set of clothes on it. He draped the blanket on the back of the couch.

“You.. know where the bathroom is.” He stated, barely looking at the younger in the eyes. Jaemin just gave a small nod and took off the towels. He stood and took the clothes. He gave a small bow before he rushed to the bathroom to get dry.

He closed the door behind him as he set the clothes on the counter. He leaned back against the blue wooden door and looked at the ceiling.

Jaemin knew fully why he was there. He wanted Johnny to tell him he was safe again. He wanted Johnny’s loving arms around him, holding him tight and telling him that everything will be okay.

He took a shaky breath and locked the door. He stood straight and changed from the wet stuck clothes to the warm and dry clothes that gave off Johnny’s scent. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He stared at himself for a few seconds. His eyes were really red. His nose was pink, as well as his cheeks. He looked tired, drawn out emotionally. His hair was a mess from the towel he used earlier, but he sighed.

He gathered the wet clothes and left the bathroom.

Johnny was in the kitchen, washing out his coffee cup. Jaemin glanced at the older before he wandered back into the living room. He wrapped up the wet clothes in a towel and set it down by the front door.

“I want an explanation tomorrow, Jaemin.” Johnny muttered, leaning against the wall closest to the front door. Jaemin looked at Johnny before he drew his eyes down to the floor.

“I’ll… Give you one, I just…”

“Need some time. I know…” Johnny sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Get some rest Jaemin. You look like you need it.” He said, before he turned off the stove top light and headed to the stairs.

“Good night..” Jaemin mumbled to himself before he wandered back to the couch. He set up his own bed on the couch and sat down on it once again. He wrapped his slim fingers around the cup again and leaned back into the couch, his cup resting on one of his knees.

He looked at the cup. It was his cup. His eyes scanned the cup as his fingers ran gently against the rim. He gave a sad smile, before he took a drink.

Jaemin didn’t get to sleep easily that night, but once he did, he slept soundly.


	3. Soft Morning

**Jaemin P.O.V.**

That morning, Jaemin woke up to a very peaceful atmosphere. He stretched out on the couch, not clear on where he was yet. The sound of the morning birds echoed throughout the house. The cast of the sunlight lit the house in a warm and loving way.

He hummed before he rubbed his face. The scent of Johnny sent him spiraling back to the previous night and where he had hit him.

He sunk further under the blanket and hid under it. He gave out a heavy, whiny sigh. He pulled the blanket off and looked around the room. No one was around. He glanced to the kitchen, where Johnny would have been sitting. He wasn’t there either.

Jaemin frowned, but slowly got up from the couch. He stretched once more before holding the blanket to his chest and looked at the clock above the fireplace.

It read 10:25AM.

He gave a small nod and stood. He wrapped the blanket around him and slowly started to wander around the house.

The coffee pot in the kitchen was warm, with a little coffee left in it. Johnny was awake, but where was he?

Jaemin took a slow breath before he continued to wander around before he reached the back door. He looked out the window and saw it.

Two large trees were sat perfectly in the center of the yard. They almost touched the ground, casting a beautiful picnic shadow. He glanced to the side to find Johnny sitting under the gazebo on the deck.

Jaemin’s throat closed and he swallowed dryly. He set the blanket to the side before he opened the door. Johnny didn’t seem fazed by the door opening, as he was focused on the sound of the morning around him.

Nothing but the soft breeze of a warm morning washed over Jaemin’s face. His hair ruffled slightly, as the birds chirped all around the two of them.

He approached the older and took a spot at the round table under the gazebo.

Johnny glanced to him before he looked back to the trees, taking a small drink of his coffee.

“Morning.” He stated. Jaemin glanced to him before he looked at his lap.

“Morning.” His voice was quiet as he also drew his attention back to the two trees.

The two sat in the morning silence. It wasn’t as awkward as it was the previous night. Both of them had gotten a good night’s rest, and now both of them had clear minds. Sitting next by each other, they could talk.

“Jaemin-“ Johnny started.

“I know… I owe you an explanation.” He muttered, leaning back against the chair. He put a foot up on the edge of the chair and hugged his knee. He rested his chin against it and looked at the deep brown painted wood below him.

Johnny turned his attention to Jaemin.

“Why… are you here?”

Jaemin paused for a second. It took him a little bit of time for him to collect all the things he wanted to say to him.

“Johnny… It’s been hectic. I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know who I am anymore.” Jaemin muttered. Johnny looked at him but didn’t move a muscle.

“I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know what I’m doing. I came to you, because… You always told me it was going to be okay. That I would find my way if it was a bad day. You used to tell me that everything was going to be okay… But I don’t have that anymore. I don’t have, someone to tell me that I’m okay. That I’m going to be okay.” He mumbled.

Johnny looked at him before he pulled his attention back to his coffee cup.

Jaemin felt the sting of tears threatening behind his eyes. He turned his head and gripped the pant leg.

“You… Were the only person who treated me like a person. Like a normal person. And… I tried to tell myself that it will be fine. That I’m normal. But it’s not the same…” He mumbled, his voice cracking mid sentence.

Johnny looked at him, he swallowed hard.

“Jaemin…”

“I was normal with you… I want to be normal again…” Jaemin muttered, turning his attention to Johnny. His eyes were watery. Tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

Johnny’s heart throbbed. He had always hated seeing Jaemin emotional. He hated seeing the younger sad, with tears in his eyes. It made him sad as well.

“Jaemin, you are normal.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like it?” Jaemin almost snapped, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Johnny took a deep breath and reached out. He carefully took one of Jaemin’s small, gentle hands.

“The world will always be harsh. It doesn’t matter what type of person you are. The world will always mess you up. But I can tell you that sometimes things will look better. And I know it doesn’t seem like it right now. It seems like the world is against you. But it’s not. Jaemin…” Johnny gripped Jaemin’s hand.

Jaemin’s sad, teary eyes looked at the older.

“You are amazing. No matter what the world tells you. You are amazing. You always have been. You’re strong willed, confident, and hilarious.” Johnny stated, with a small smile reaching the edges of his lips.

“You are normal. The world is what isn’t.” He stated. Jaemin looked at him and sniffled. He wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt.

“I wish I could tell myself that everyday.” Johnny took a deep breath and gripped his hand.

“I know…” Jaemin and Johnny stayed like that for a small amount of time. Johnny still kept holding Jaemin’s hand. Jaemin’s mind was able to wander, but he knew he was safe.


	4. Silent Memories

**Johnny P.O.V.**

As the two members sat together in silence, Johnny was able to wonder about Jaemin. It had been months since they last saw each other.

They both ended on a bad note. He did worry if Jaemin would be okay on his own after their fight. He worried that he’d do something reckless and injure himself. He knew it took him a lot of time to get over the fight between the two of them.

But there was always a nag in the back of his mind, wanting to know if Jaemin was okay. If he was still around.

His gaze was stuck on their joined hands. The sound of the birds echoed through their shared quiet space. Johnny looked to Jaemin.

Jaemin’s attention was drawn to the two trees. But while his attention was drawn away, Johnny wanted to know what he was thinking. He wanted to know if he felt better.

Johnny’s eyes outlined Jaemin’s face. His eyes were a little puffy but soft looking. His nose was a little pink from his crying. And his lips were slightly parted. Johnny drawn his own attention to the two trees as well.

There was a lot of memories that he had made with happy Jaemin. But there was also a lot of memories he made with sad Jaemin.

A month into their dating, Jaemin told Johnny about his depression. While he was talking about it, he knew that Jaemin felt uncomfortable talking about it. He was fidgeting, barely looking at Johnny in the eyes. He was quiet and shy, which was unusual for him.

But the moment Johnny touched his hand, and told him that he was okay, Johnny saw the look in the younger’s eyes change.

Jaemin truly trusted Johnny with his mental illness. And Johnny understood that Jaemin needed someone to talk to about it.

Most of their days were spent happy. Jaemin’s big smile made the room feel lighter. But the empty look in his eyes when he stayed in bed worried Johnny. It made him think he was gone, lost to the world. In those moments, Johnny learnt to hold Jaemin. To tell him that he was there, that he was safe.

Jaemin slipped his hand back from Johnny’s. Johnny glanced to the younger.

“What is it..?” He asked, feeling the slight worry hit him as it did months ago.

Jaemin simply shook his head before he looked to Johnny.

“This place… gives me memories that I’ll never be able to let go of… you know…” He mumbled, fiddling against with his shirt sleeve.

Johnny looked at him and gave a half smile with a small nod.

“Yeah. It gives me flash backs sometimes.” Johnny turned his attention to the yard. “We made a lot of memories here…”

“This was my safe place…” Jaemin mumbled, looking at Johnny with distant eyes. Johnny looked at him and gave a small nod.

“I know…” He took a long deep breath before he stood up. He held out his hand to Jaemin. Jaemin stared at his hand for a second before he took it. He was pulled to his feet and brought back to the kitchen.

“When… do you need to be back?” Johnny asked, cleaning out the coffee maker. He didn’t get a reply from the younger, but just a simple shrug as before.

“I don’t know… I don’t have rules set out for myself.” Jaemin mumbled. Johnny hummed in response and looked at him.

“I’ll drive you back after we eat something.” Johnny opened the cupboard and grabbed pancake mix. He set it down on the counter and gestured for Jaemin to sit. Which he did.

Johnny made them both a batch of pancakes. They shared breakfast together, almost in silence. While Johnny cleaned up, Jaemin checked on his clothes from the previous night.

Turning his attention to Jaemin, as he leaned against the counter behind him, Johnny crossed his arms, as friendly memories slithered their way back into his mind.

_Johnny ran a hand through Jaemin’s soft hair. It was so fluffy in the morning before he brushed it. The two of them laid in bed. Johnny awake, while Jaemin was still fast asleep snuggled up to him. Johnny gave a loving smile to the younger, as he kissed the top of his head._

_He closed his eyes as he felt Jaemin cuddle closer to him. The younger made a small sound before he stretched. Opening his eyes, he was met with a pair of sleepy brown eyes. He gave a soft smile._

_“Good morning.” Johnny hummed. Jaemin smiled sleepily and took one of Johnny’s hands. He linked their fingers together and kissed his hand._

_“G’morning.” He mumbled, closing his eyes once again._

_Johnny’s heart fluttered as he kept the younger closer to him. The two stayed like this all morning, both of them not caring about their schedules. Both not giving a care in the world around them._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_“Hey!” Johnny stated. Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at the little pile of bubbles on the top of Johnny’s head. Johnny swiped up some bubbles from their bath and blew them at the younger. Jaemin laughed and tried to cover his face before the bubbles hit him._

_Johnny laughed lightly and took the bubbles off the top of his head._

_Jaemin peeked behind his hands and gave a pout._

_“You looked cute with them on your head though…” He grumbled in the cutest way possible. Johnny laughed and kissed his forehead._

_“Says you.” Johnny mumbled before he grabbed a handful of bubbles and put it on Jaemin’s head._

_Jaemin couldn’t help but smile at the older._

_“Am I cute..?”_

_“You’re adorable.” Jaemin smiled at the comment before linking their fingers together. Their hands went pair in pair as they looked at each other in the eyes._

Johnny took a deep breath before he stood straight. He had an urge to just hug Jaemin, but he knew that it wasn’t the best option.

Sighing, he cleared his throat, forcing Jaemin to look over at him.

“I… Want to talk to you…” Johnny stated. Then the awkward silence filled the space between them again. Johnny watched as Jaemin fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt.

“About…?” he muttered.

“You know…” Jaemin looked at him, before pulling his gaze back to the ball of clothes on the floor.

“Okay…”

Johnny took another small breath before he grabbed his car keys. He headed to the door and looked at the younger beside him.

“Go change. I’ll meet you in the car.” He suggested, before opening the front door. Jaemin gave a small nod before he wandered to the bathroom.

Johnny watched him go with a heavy sigh. He went out to his slim black car parked in the driveway. Unlocking it, he opened the driver’s door and got in. He looked at the steering wheel, and suddenly the reason why the separated forced its way into Johnny’s mind.

He took a deep breath, placed a hand on the steering wheel, and closed his eyes.

_“I don’t know if I can keep you safe if you don’t accept the help I give you!” Johnny shouted to the younger who sat on the couch. His leg bounced as his eyes were red from crying._

_“You told me that I was normal, so why do I need help? I know I’m sick, and I’ve been dealing with it-“ Johnny scoffed._

_“Not well enough! I’m scared that every time you go out for a walk, or go out with your friends, that you won’t come home! I’m terrified that if someone tells you to jump off a bridge, you will!”_

_Jaemin stared at Johnny. He stood up and pulled on the sleeves of the shirt._

_“I won’t!”_

_“I can’t trust you! I can’t trust that you won’t! I can’t trust you in the kitchen sometimes, I’m scared that my efforts won’t be enough!” Johnny stated anger in his tone._

_“I can’t trust myself either! It’s not just you!! I feel like if I have a bad day, I will end up doing something like that! Johnny, I’m scared! But I don’t need that help!” Jaemin shouted back to him._

_Johnny huffed and ran his hands through his hair._

_“It’s the only way I can be sure that you’ll be fine…!”_

_Jaemin stayed quiet for a second. He gripped the ends of the sleeves and turned his attention to the floor._

_“I’m not going. I’m not doing it.”_

_“So, you’re going to end up going out there and hurting yourself one day? You’re gonna end up dying? Dying isn’t as good as living!”_

_“How do you know that!? It’s not simple! It’s not that easy to put it to! Sometimes the idea of dying is better than living in a world that makes you feel so numb that you don’t even know yourself!” Jaemin shouted, tears rolling down his cheeks._

_Johnny looked at him and huffed._

_“I can’t stand around and worry about you all the time.”_

_Jaemin looked at Johnny. His entire body froze. His fists went loose as he scanned the elder’s face. Johnny’s eyes didn’t meet with Jaemin’s. Though he felt like shit saying it, he knew he couldn’t waste his life worrying over someone._

_Jaemin stormed to the door and slammed the door open._

_“Wait, where are you going?” Johnny stated._

_Jaemin looked at Johnny in the eyes._

_“I’m going to go jump off a bridge.!” Jaemin stated, before stepping out and slamming the door behind him. Johnny jumped slightly._

_“Jaemin..! Jaemin!” Johnny opened the front door and looked around. He didn’t see Jaemin around anywhere. His entire core started to panic._

_“Shit.!” He grabbed the keys off the dresser next to the door and left the house. He ran to his car and opened the door and got in. He started it up, not even thinking about his seat belt. He placed his hands on the steering wheel and stared forward._

_He paused for a few seconds, before he turned off the car._

He opened his eyes and let go of the steering wheel. Johnny swallowed hard and looked to the house. He got out of the car and leaned against the hood of the black car. He crossed his arms and waited for Jaemin to walk out.

A few seconds passed and he did. Jaemin was wearing the same clothes he wore the night before. His pink fluffy hair a finger brushed mess as he walked to the car.

Johnny gave a quiet sigh and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and got in the driver’s side once again.

Jaemin soon followed him, getting in the passengers’ side. Both done up their seat belts but stayed quiet in each others space. The radio wasn’t even on, leaving them in the silence along with the car engine rumbling.

Johnny drove onto a random road before he pulled off to the side. Jaemin looked to the older with confusion written on his expression.

“What…?”

“We need to talk…”

“Right now,…?” Jaemin mumbled, looking to the steering wheel of the car.

“Right now.” Johnny stated, turning off the car. He turned in his seat and looked at Jaemin. Jaemin pulled his attention to his lap and fiddled with one of the holes in his jeans.

The two of them sat in silence for a few seconds.

“What is there to talk about..?” Jaemin questioned.

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Johnny stated, starting up the conversation. Jaemin frowned slightly before he drew his attention to Johnny.

“Didn’t…?”

“Go… jump off a bridge.” Johnny muttered. He looked to the younger. Jaemin gave a small nod.

“I… continued to take my medications, but some days get a lot worse than before. So, I just… lay still, numb. I don’t eat sometimes, and I don’t care for… myself sometimes.” Johnny’s heart ached hearing it.

“Jaemin… that night… I wasn’t saying I was trying to put you into a hospital. I was saying that you.. should try to get more help… Like, a therapist, or something better than the medications.” Johnny stated, feeling the wave of regret hit the pit of his stomach remembering about the day of the fight.

Jaemin didn’t look at Johnny’s eyes. He took a careful breath and collected his thoughts.

“I don’t have the money for any of that. I haven’t had enough energy to find a job, and with that, I’m living off of my parent’s savings for me… I can’t afford new medications, or a therapist.” He mumbled, his eyes still glued to the steering wheel.

Johnny sighed and reached over. He took one of Jaemin’s hands and gripped it.

“Then… Jaemin, let me help you.” Johnny watched as a number of emotions washed over Jaemin’s face.

He slipped his hand back from Johnny and looked at him in the eyes.

“You told me that you didn’t need to worry about me anymore.” Jaemin stated. Johnny clenched his eyes shut and gave a very small nod.

“I… I know… I was angry, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought that it was just going to be a stupid fight, and… not something that would make me stop seeing you for months.” Johnny opened his eyes and was met with sad looking brown ones.

“You can’t say stuff like that to me… I can’t take stuff like that the way you do. I…”

“Worry. And then sometimes act on it. You scare yourself, so that you just freeze up and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You worry the world is gonna think the same thing.” Jaemin sniffled and rubbed his eyes.

“I know…” Johnny added.

“I know you, Jaemin. And I worry about you, I have ever since the day you walked out of that door.” He stated. Jaemin sniffled again before he forced himself to look elsewhere. Johnny watched as Jaemin clutched the sleeves of the shirt and cover his face.

But it broke his heart when he heard the quiet sob from the younger.

“Th-that day I made a promise to myself!” Jaemin yelled into his hands.

“I promised myself that I would never go back to you!” Johnny looked at the younger and swallowed hard.

“But every day was a challenge, and I knew that you were my hope! But I was scared to go back to you! What if you didn’t want to see me?? What if you hated me!?” Jaemin sobbed into his sleeves.

“Jaemin, no…” Johnny mumbled. He reached over and rubbed the youngers back.

“Every day I worried if you were okay. I worried if you were safe, or healthy. Happy. I worried so much about you…”

Jaemin shuttered as he tried to regain himself.

“I don’t hate you, Jaemin. I could never hate you.”

Jaemin sniffled and made a quiet groan before looking to the older. His eyes were red and puffy as he sniffled.

“I don’t hate you either…” He muttered. Johnny looked at the younger before he took off his seat belt. He leaned over and gave Jaemin the best hug he could. Jaemin hugged him back, gripping his shirt and sniffled.

“I’m sorry I’m broken… And I’m sorry for dragging you into it.” He muttered. Johnny shook his head.

“no. Don’t be. I went into this fully knowing that I was getting into.” Johnny let go of Jaemin and looked him in the eyes. “And I wouldn’t have traded the time with you with anything else in the world.” He stated.

Jaemin looked at him and sniffled once again. He gave a small nod before he grabbed a Kleenex from the center console. Johnny sat back down in his seat and looked at him.

He waited a little bit, for Jaemin to gather himself again.

“Are you okay…?” he mumbled. Jaemin took a slow and shaky deep breath.

“For now.. kinda.” He looked the older and gave out a sarcastic smile. Johnny shook his head slightly and took Jaemin’s hand again.

“lets… get you home okay?” Jaemin looked to their hands and gave a small nod.

“Okay…” Johnny gripped his hand before letting go. He put his seat belt back on and started the car again. In the corner of his eyes, Jaemin put his knees against the dashboard and looked out the window.

Johnny drove Jaemin all the way back to his apartment. The ride back, wasn’t awkward at all. It was somewhat peaceful. The hum of the car relaxed both of them to a state of comfortableness.


	5. Emotional Baggage

**Jaemin P.O.V.**

When they pulled up next to the building, there was a tug in Jaemin’s chest. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment. He wanted to continue sitting in this comfortable silence with Johnny. He wanted to keep feeling okay for once.

He took a deep breath and sat up straight. He took off the seat belt and sighed, looking at the building.

Johnny turned his attention to the building as well.

“Do you want me to go up with you?” He questioned, before looking to the smaller. Jaemin looked to Johnny before taking a small breath, shaking his head.

“No.. I should be okay.” He muttered. Johnny looked at him carefully before shaking his head.

“No, I’m walking you there..” he said, turning off the car. He took off his own seat belt and got out of the car before Jaemin did.

Jaemin blinked before he opened the door. He looked at Johnny and closed the door before he started the walk to his apartment. Johnny stuck his hands in his pockets and walked with Jaemin.

The walk between the two of them was more relaxed than it was before hand. Jaemin felt a little bit better, after finally talking with Johnny about the entire fight they had. He couldn’t exactly read Johnny’s body language as well as he used to, but in the back of his heart, he knew that maybe the two of them were going to be okay.

The elevator ride up to the 5th floor was quiet as well. Jaemin leaned against the wall of the elevator and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. His mind was finally empty of the worries he held onto from Johnny. His body was tired, he just wanted to curl up and fall asleep for a good few hours.

When the elevator dinged, he had to force his eyes open and stand straight. Johnny stepped out before Jaemin and turned his attention to him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Jaemin waved his hand, disregarding the question.

“I’m just tired..” Jaemin mumbled to himself, as he forced a hand into his pocket to look for the key. He headed down the hallway with Johnny to his side.

Johnny scanned the area. It didn’t look like a place that suited Jaemin very well, but if it was the only cheapest option, he understood the reason to stay here.

They stopped at a white door with the number 54 on it. Jaemin plugged his key into the key hole and unlocked the door. Opening it, he stepped in the doorway and paused. He looked to the older.

“Should… I invite you in?” Johnny looked at him, and Jaemin could see the care in his eyes.

“No, no. don’t worry. I’m gonna get home and try to write.” Jaemin gave a small nod to the writer.

“Um… Thank you…” Johnny tilted his head.

“You’re welcome?”

“For.. the talk today, and for the things you said… I didn’t think.. I would hear you again and yet…” Jaemin actually gave a small smile. “I’m glad I did…”

Johnny hummed and gave a small nod.

Jaemin looked to the older and nodded once.

“Bye for now, Johnny.” Jaemin took a step back to close to door but Johnny placed a hand on the door, blocking it from closing.

“It’s crazy, what I’m gonna say. But I… I want to try with you again.” Jaemin’s expression dropped as he slightly shook his head.

“I don’t think-“

Jaemin was cut off, being pulled into a tight hug from Johnny. Jaemin paused before he gave in and hugged the older back.

“Just… give it some thought, okay…?” Johnny muttered. Jaemin closed his eyes, gripping Johnny’s jacket. He gave a small nod before letting go.

Johnny pressed a kiss to the top of Jaemin’s head.

“okay…” The two shared a look into each others’ eyes. Jaemin’s heart throbbed, as he gave another small smile.

“I’ll see you later, Johnny..” He muttered, before slowly closing the door.

Once he closed the door, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the door of his apartment. He placed a hand on the door and took a small shaky breath.

He formed a small fist and rested it against the door before he took a step back. He placed his keys in a small bowl on the living room table before taking off his jacket. He hung it up before wandering to his bedroom.

The room was an absolute mess. Clothes all over the floor, empty cups and plates on the dresser and the bed not even made. He stared at the mess before he took a step back and went into the bathroom.

He opened one of the cupboards and took out a towel. He placed it on the counter before stripping his shirt off.

Jaemin took a long, awaited shower. He let the water run down his back as he kept his eyes closed. His pink hair flat against his head. The water made him feel secure, safe.

_His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t stop the shaking as he paced the living room of Johnny’s home. Johnny was late._

_Johnny was never late._

_A second passed and the front door opened. Jaemin looked over and felt the sting behind his eyes finally let go. He started to cry as he walked over to Johnny and hugged him. Johnny frowned as he set down the suitcase._

_“What? What happened? Are you okay?” He questioned, hugging him back as tight as he could._

_“Y-you’re late. You’re never late…”_

_“I know… I know, and I’m sorry… The meeting for the next book ran too long, I should’ve called you.” He stated, placing a kiss on Jaemin’s head._

_But for some reason, in Jaemin’s core he couldn’t believe him. His worries started to get overwhelming. He gently punched Johnny’s chest._

_“Were you really at a meeting?” He mumbled, trying to hold back his tears. Johnny frowned more and placed his hands on Jaemin’s arms. Jaemin couldn’t meet his eyes, his entire body felt cold, numb._

_“Baby… Listen to me, I would never leave you. I would never do that to you. I love you.” Jaemin’s eyes slowly met with Johnny’s. His words made sense but didn’t run through him properly. Jaemin still felt empty and numb. But he knows Johnny. Johnny is sweet, kind. Loyal. He wouldn’t do something like that to Jaemin._

_He sniffled and rubbed his face, before he pulled hard on his sleeves._

_“I’m an idiot…”_

_“No. Don’t think like that. You are so smart, and a simple mistake was made. It wasn’t your fault. You aren’t an idiot.” Jaemin met with Johnny’s emotional eyes. Passion, tenderness, and love gave Jaemin a little bit of reassurance that Johnny was telling him the truth._

_He took a deep breath and walked into the other. He wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face into the creases._

_“Do you still want me…?” Johnny frowned and hugged him back._

_“Of course, I still want you…” He rubbed his back, comforting Jaemin. Jaemin sniffled and put a hand in Johnny’s hair. He gave a small nod and took a deep breath._

_“Okay…”_

Jaemin ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face. Opening his eyes, he looked at the ceiling of the shower. Memories like these haunted him. The worry of Johnny leaving him. The worry about Johnny no longer loving him. No longer wanting him.

He took a deep breath and turned off the shower.

Getting out, he dried himself off and got into dark blue pajamas. He wandered into his living room and sat down on the couch. He took a pillow and placed it in his lap and hugged it, as he turned on the TV as a distraction.

Jaemin didn’t expect to fall asleep two nights in a row on a couch.


	6. A Term Of Agreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're enjoying the story! this chapter is a bit short! Hope you don't mind!!

**Johnny P.O.V.**

Once Johnny returned to his house, he worried about Jaemin. He leaned back in his car and closed his eyes. He gave himself some time to think. By himself, knowing the conversation they had earlier was a lot easier than he imagined it being.

He gave out a heavy sigh and got out of the car. When he got inside, he threw his keys on the couch before he sat down at the table.

He took a deep breath, leaning forward against the table. He rested his head against the soft padding of his shirt and arms **. Johnny** stretched out before he sat up straight. Looking around his home, Johnny got up and made himself a coffee.

While the coffee maker brewed he went upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes. He started to wonder if he came off way too strong. If he forced Jaemin into thinking about trying again. Sighing, he shook his head.

Once he got back downstairs, he grabbed his notebook and a pen. He sat at the table, with the fresh cup of coffee and started to get to work. In a matter of minutes, Johnny was writing the next part of his book.

A few days passed and Johnny didn’t hear anything from Jaemin yet. He worried only a little bit but decided to give the younger some time to collect the idea and think about their fight. It was probably a bucket load off his shoulders, so Johnny decided to leave him be for the time being.

Every day the temperature dropped little by little. Not only were the days rainy and cold, the tree leaves started to turn the colours of a painters Autumn palette. Johnny kept himself indoors for most of the time. He kept himself busy with his next book, his every now and then he wonders if Jaemin is doing okay.

His worries spiked when he got a phone call from Jaemin that evening. But Johnny tried to relax and keep himself calm during the phone call.

“Hey.”

“Johnny…” Jaemin stated, over the phone. “I’ve got something to tell you.” Johnny leaned back in his chair and crossed one arm over his chest.

“Okay…”

“I’ve thought about… what you said…” Johnny’s heart started to beat faster to those words. He gave a small nod.

“Okay… What’s your verdict?”

There was a moment of silence over the phone before Jaemin spoke up again.

“I think… trying again would… be okay, as long as we make sure to set out a few rules and… sort of guide lines?” Johnny took a quiet deep breath to the younger’s words. He closed his eyes and gave another nod.

“Okay.. When do you want to talk about it?”

“well… I don’t really want to do it over the phone… Even just.. calling you was hard to do.” Johnny frowned slightly.

“okay… Um, how about the little coffee shop? The one close to my house, but center of town? You know the one.. at maybe 2 tomorrow?” He suggested.

Jaemin gave a small hum before he nodded.

“Okay… Okay, that works.”

“are you sure?” Johnny questioned.

“I’m sure Johnny… I’ll meet you there at 2..” The older took a deep breath and nodded.

“okay. I’ll.. see you tomorrow then.”

“See you tomorrow.” Jaemin muttered, before hanging up the phone.

Johnny paused, before he looked to his phone. An old picture of Jaemin left open on his phone as the call ended. He looked at the picture and gave a soft smile, remembering how happy the two used to be with each other. The phone faded to black as the screen shut off.

He cleared his throat and placed the phone back down on the table. He looked at his notebook and picked up the pen once again before pausing. He smiled and closed his eyes.


	7. Evening of Coffees

**Jaemin P.O.V.**

Jaemin was nervous already to just the thought of leaving the apartment. But here he sat, at the café that was in the middle of town. He didn’t order anything yet, he was waiting for Johnny. His eyes scanned the area. There weren’t as many people as he thought would be there, but quite a few sat together, and some sat alone.

Soft jazz music played throughout the small coffee shop. A low hum of people’s chatter filled the space around it as well. But Jaemin sat near a window, all alone. He gazed outside the window, to the autumn fall colours. The trees were gently swaying in the breeze, occasional leaves would fly off in the wind.

When he noticed the small black car pull up, all of his nerves decided to activate at once. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He told himself that it was all going to be fine. But his nerves told him otherwise.

He tried to shake off the feeling when he opened his eyes again. Johnny got out the car, dressed in a pink button up and normal jeans. He spotted Jaemin and gave a small wave with a soft smile before entering the little shop.

“hey.” He stated, sitting across from the younger.

“hi.” Jaemin hummed. “Um, I didn’t worder yet… I waited until you showed up.” Johnny gave him another soft smile.

“That’s okay, thank you for waiting.” Jaemin smiled and gave a small nod.

A waitress walked over and bowed to the two of them.

“Do you know what you would like?” She asked. Johnny hummed and leaned back in the couch and looked to the younger.

“I’ll have one americano please.” He smiled back to the woman. Jaemin’s nerves were only a little on edge, but he turned to the girl and nodded.

“I’ll have that too.” He said, his voice soft. The woman gave a smile and bowed again before she walked back to the front.

Johnny looked at him and smiled.

“It’s, actually good to sit here with you again…” Jaemin looked at him and smiled, as he began to fiddle with his sleeves.

“Yeah.. I have to agree.”

They paused for a moment, getting adjusted to the café space around them.

“You’re quieter…” Johnny stated. Jaemin looked to the older and frowned only a little.

“I am..?” Johnny gave a small nod.

“You are… I’m not complaining about it, it’s just something I’ve noticed.” Jaemin hummed.

“We haven’t seen each other in 5 months… I think there are some things that would have changed.”

Johnny gave a nod in response.

“How was writing?” Johnny smiled and leaned back in his chair.

“Actually… I’ve got to be honest about something. When you weren’t around, writing was hard… it’s silly, but after we talked… I could write again.” Jaemin stared at the older as his cheeks began to blush.

“You’re kidding…” Johnny simply shook his head.

“Nope. It’s true… Thanks to you, I’ve got my inspiration back.” Johnny stated. Jaemin looked at him before glancing out the window.

“You’re welcome..” he muttered.

The waitress walked back over with two americano’s and set them down on the table.

“Enjoy.” She bowed again, as Johnny bowed his head to her. She walked off once again, as Jaemin’s hands instantly wrapped around the cup.

He was nervous. He didn’t know how much to tell Johnny now that they’re talking again.

Johnny must have noticed the glazed look over Jaemin’s eyes and tilted his head.

“Hey… are you okay?” Jaemin blinked before looking to him and gave a small nod.

“Just…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m nervous…” Johnny looked at him before a smile came across his face.

“You’re nervous..”

“That doesn’t give you the right to make me even more nervous…!” Jaemin stated, his own smile across his lips. Johnny held up his hands in defence.

“Nope! I’m not planning on it!” Jaemin smiled and looked back to the cup. Another relaxing silence filled the space as the jazz song changed.

“I don’t know how much to tell you…” Jaemin admitted. Johnny hummed and took a sip of his drink.

“Then, take it slow. One thing at a time.” Jaemin looked to Johnny. His body felt as if it relaxed. Johnny had always set a mood that made Jaemin relax. Johnny always made Jaemin feel happy.

“Thank you.” Jaemin stated, taking a drink from his own cup.

Johnny nodded his head to him.

“I.. Last month, handed in a book to my publisher. The one I was working on when.. we were dating.” Johnny said. Jaemin’s eyes lit up and looked at the older with curiosity. The curiosity that he used to have.

“And? What did they say?” Johnny gave a serious expression to the younger. He took a drink of his coffee and Jaemin’s expression faltered.

“I don’t know. All I know is that it’ll be on shelves by the middle of next month.” He said. Jaemin stared at him before smiling.

“Hey!! Don’t fool me like that…! Johnny that’s amazing..” He purred. Johnny looked to him and smiled before rolling his eyes.

“Oh, shut up.. It’s not that big of a deal…”

“ _That big of a deal?_ Johnny… I’ve watched you start that story from scratch and now… It’s gonna be on shelves.” Jaemin exclaimed. Johnny couldn’t help but smile at the other excitement.

“Okay, okay. It’s a big deal…” he took a sip of his coffee. Jaemin leaned back in his own seat and took a drink from his own.

“I’ll buy it when it comes out.” Jaemin stated, looking out the window. Johnny smiled as he examined the youngers features. He leaned forward against the table and tilted his head.

“Jaemin,” The younger turned to Johnny. “are you happy?” Jaemin gave it a second, before looking to his cup.

In his chest, he felt warm and fuzzy. He remembered this feeling. It was the same feeling he got when he first met Johnny.

_His hands were shoved in his pockets as he walked along the walkway next to a river running through town. It was usually a tourist site in the spring and summer. The water ran smoothly, a beautiful turquoise blue with the occasional family of geese floating along the water._

_The wind messed up Jaemin’s white hair as his eyes watched the waves of the water. The breeze wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t warm either. It was just right. He smiled as his eyes watched a goose play in the water._

_That’s when an older man accidently ran into him. He stumbled back, grabbing a hold of the railing, while the other fell forward but regained his balance before he fell flat on his face._

_Jaemin blinked before frowning. He looked to the taller, who instantly turned around and bowed to him._

_“I am so sorry…!!! I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and I should have, and-“ He looked up to Jaemin and their eyes met._

_Jaemin’s expression softened as his own eyes were met with honey filled brown ones._

_“um… Don’t worry about it, it’s okay…” Jaemin muttered. His felt his heart flutter as his core felt warm, cozy._

_The older gave a nod before he held out his hand._

_“I’m Johnny.” Jaemin blinked, before pulling his attention away to Johnny’s hand. He gently shook it before bowing._

_“Na Jaemin.” Johnny bowed at well._

_“I like your name, Jaemin.” Johnny hummed. Jaemin felt his heart flutter even more as he looked to the taller._

_“Thank you…”_

Jaemin turned his attention to the older and smiled.

“I’m happy, Johnny.” Johnny smiled softly and sat up straight.

“Good, I’m glad. I’m happy too.” Jaemin smiled as he drank his coffee.

The afternoon went on as is. The two of them shared a lovely conversation throughout the evening. Jaemin didn’t want to leave the café, he was just so content. It felt somewhat to the normal he grew accustom to years ago. But by 6PM, the two of them had to part their ways.

Johnny stood up and stretched. Jaemin did the same as well before he yawned.

“Ah, I’m sorry…!” Johnny chuckled and shook his head.

“Don’t be. Are you heading back to your apartment?” Jaemin gave a small nod.

“I gotta clean…” Johnny gave a nod.

“Lemme give you a ride. I don’t have much planned for the evening anyways besides eat.” Jaemin thought about it for a second before he nodded.

“Okay..”

And with that, Johnny paid for their coffees and drove Jaemin back to his apartment. Although the drive was quiet, it wasn’t stressful. Jaemin got out once Johnny pulled up to the set of apartments.

“I’ll see you later, Johnny.” Jaemin said, giving a small wave through the window.

“See you Jaemin.” Jaemin gave a smile before bowing his head. He walked back inside the building and took the elevator up with a soft smile that stayed on his face until he went to bed.


	8. New Years Eve

**Johnny P.O.V.**

Johnny figured that the evening went pleasantly well. When he got inside, he sat on the couch and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes and smiled. He fisted the air before humming happily.

He missed seeing Jaemin. He missed hearing Jaemin. Seeing the one he fell in love with 4 years ago. After their fight, Johnny didn’t even think about anyone else. He worried about the younger but tried to forget about him through his writing.

But as he examined the book to be published, he noticed that Jaemin’s influence was all over it. By that point, he didn’t care. Johnny missed Jaemin. And now, after a lovely evening, he got to see him again.

Stretching out on the couch, Johnny laid back, resting his head against the armrest. He felt happy.

Johnny knew that it would take a bit of time to get Jaemin comfortable around him again. And it did. But he waited for him. He was patient with him and let Jaemin adjust on his own time. But by now, the two of them have hung out for about 2 months and Johnny’s heart still soared each time he was around the shorter.

After a conversation over text the night before, Johnny had planned to himself. A plan that he hoped Jaemin would like.

It was the night of New Years Eve. Johnny knew that it was the right time. Although his nerves were a little on edge, he knew that it was right. It was time.

He parked his car in front of the set of apartments. Light snow fell in front of the street lamps, making the atmosphere soft. He took a deep breath and grabbed the bouquet and got out of the car.

The night was chilly, but not as cold as it could be. Johnny took a deep breath and headed inside. He got in the elevator and pressed the floor number.

He muttered what he wanted to say to himself, before closing his eyes. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes when the elevator stopped at the right floor. He looked forward before starting his walk to Jaemin’s apartment.

Once he got to room 54, he stopped. Johnny ran a hand through his hair and gently knocked on the door. He took a deep breath and nibbled on his bottom lip, waiting for Jaemin to open the door. And he did, not a few seconds later.

His pink hair was a small mess, as his brown roots were starting to come back in. He was dressed in baggy, winter-cozy clothes as he stared at the older man in front of him.

Johnny looked at him and gave a soft smile. He wore a black suit, shirt and pants made of silk. He held a bouquet of red and white roses and hummed to the younger.

“Before you say anything… I want to say some things… After these past two months, just being with each other, catching up with each other, made me realize that I could never fall for anyone else. I know we had a fight, and that made things harder. But seeing you again, being with you again. It made me fall in love with you all over again.” Jaemin stared at the older, letting him go on.

“Being around you, made me nervous and I want to make you happy. I want to hold your hand while we walk down the street. I want to make you breakfast in bed and I want to be able to talk with you about anything and everything. Na Jaemin,” Johnny paused and looked at the younger with soft eyes.

“I love you. I love you so much.” Jaemin’s cheeks began to blush. He covered his mouth and stared at the older. Johnny held out the roses.

“Would you be my boyfriend again?” Johnny asked, his voice soft and gentle. Jaemin looked at the roses and gently took them. His heart raced as his body began to feel warm.

He gave a small nod, before looking to Johnny’s gentle eyes.

“Yes. I’ll be your boyfriend again.” Johnny looked to the younger and smiled.

_”Happy new year!!!”_ The TV from Jaemin’s living room blared. The sound of celebration made Jaemin smile. He took Johnny’s hand and pulled the taller to him. Wrapping his arms around Johnny’s neck, Jaemin gave him a soft kiss.

“Happy New Year.” Jaemin mumbled to the older.

Johnny’s heart fluttered as he smiled. He wrapped his arms around the shorters waist and pulled him closer.

“Happy New Year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! What did you think??? That ending made my heart melt while I was writing it!!  
> I know the ship isn't very well known, or shipped at all, but a few of us gotta right! I hope you enjoyed the story!!


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